The Not So Great Outdoors

The relationship that today's modern Hepcat Hermit has with being outside is problematic. We, to a man, or possibly woman, prefer to be indoors as much as possible, obviously not indoors somewhere else if we can help it, but in our Groovy Pads and Funk Shacks.

We of course do appreciate that the outdoors is necessary to our lives, in the sense that it provides the oxygen which allows us to continue living and reading comics and listening to boss tunes, etc. But much like society itself, we like having it there but do not necessarily want to be in close quarters with it.

For many of us the outdoors is like a hostile environment which we must brave for certain periods in order to get to the bookstore, the record store, comic store, the video store, and work. It can be viewed as something akin to the irradiated nuclear wasteland featured in some of the movies we enjoy. Hostile, because out there we may encounter the sorts of people that we usually avoid at almost all costs. An ex, or someone we used to know who is a Scrutinizer or a One-upper, or any of a number of undesirable personality types might be lurking, just as those cinematic irradiated wastelands are populated by mutants and cannibals.

Plus, we generally don't like a lot of sunlight.

Some of us are a little more acclimatized. Many even do enjoy the outdoors to a certain extent. For instance, among the Hepcat Hermits are probably some of the greatest long distance walkers in the world, but of course we would never prove it in an actual competition, as that would be boring and fairly pointless and involve some socializing. Today's discerning Hepcat Hermit also likes some physical activity. Maybe likes is too strong a word, but many are known to engage in running or other forms of fitness because we do not wish to be Slobs, and also have found being limbered up allows us greater enjoyment of our more sedentary activities. And we do like to look good, at least to ourselves. The physical activity, like everything, is generally done alone. No HH-er worth his jellybeans participates in group sports, unless the only motivation is as a way of meeting Cool Chicks.

Some of us actually favour certain types of outdoor weather. Many will enjoy walking in the rain as it allows a sense of solitude while being out of our Groovy Pads. And since that type of weather drives regular people indoors, it cuts down on unwanted encounters.




There are of course things worth seeing while outdoors. There can be cool looking old buildings, houses that look haunted, vintage cars being driven around, or interesting old store signs. Heck, some of us might even like to see the occasional tree, especially one that is say twisted and gnarled in a compelling fashion. And we're certainly not opposed to the smell of flowers. We like nice smells. And of course there can also be Cool Chicks walking about.

And sometimes, even though we are often travelling incognito, almost invisibly, out there in that wild territory, we sometimes spot each other. Yesterday I was outside, on my way back from the record store, and saw a man wearing neatly pressed white slacks, a white button down shirt, and a thick gold chain around the collar of his shirt. He had a mustache and his hair done in a seventies style. He was alone. That was a guy who was being cool on his Own Terms, and looking The Way He Wants To Look, with no regard for current fashion or what other people think. I said to myself, "That cat knows what time it is." And then I continued on home.