The Not So Great Outdoors

The relationship that today's modern Hepcat Hermit has with being outside is problematic. We, to a man, or possibly woman, prefer to be indoors as much as possible, obviously not indoors somewhere else if we can help it, but in our Groovy Pads and Funk Shacks.

We of course do appreciate that the outdoors is necessary to our lives, in the sense that it provides the oxygen which allows us to continue living and reading comics and listening to boss tunes, etc. But much like society itself, we like having it there but do not necessarily want to be in close quarters with it.

For many of us the outdoors is like a hostile environment which we must brave for certain periods in order to get to the bookstore, the record store, comic store, the video store, and work. It can be viewed as something akin to the irradiated nuclear wasteland featured in some of the movies we enjoy. Hostile, because out there we may encounter the sorts of people that we usually avoid at almost all costs. An ex, or someone we used to know who is a Scrutinizer or a One-upper, or any of a number of undesirable personality types might be lurking, just as those cinematic irradiated wastelands are populated by mutants and cannibals.

Plus, we generally don't like a lot of sunlight.

Some of us are a little more acclimatized. Many even do enjoy the outdoors to a certain extent. For instance, among the Hepcat Hermits are probably some of the greatest long distance walkers in the world, but of course we would never prove it in an actual competition, as that would be boring and fairly pointless and involve some socializing. Today's discerning Hepcat Hermit also likes some physical activity. Maybe likes is too strong a word, but many are known to engage in running or other forms of fitness because we do not wish to be Slobs, and also have found being limbered up allows us greater enjoyment of our more sedentary activities. And we do like to look good, at least to ourselves. The physical activity, like everything, is generally done alone. No HH-er worth his jellybeans participates in group sports, unless the only motivation is as a way of meeting Cool Chicks.

Some of us actually favour certain types of outdoor weather. Many will enjoy walking in the rain as it allows a sense of solitude while being out of our Groovy Pads. And since that type of weather drives regular people indoors, it cuts down on unwanted encounters.




There are of course things worth seeing while outdoors. There can be cool looking old buildings, houses that look haunted, vintage cars being driven around, or interesting old store signs. Heck, some of us might even like to see the occasional tree, especially one that is say twisted and gnarled in a compelling fashion. And we're certainly not opposed to the smell of flowers. We like nice smells. And of course there can also be Cool Chicks walking about.

And sometimes, even though we are often travelling incognito, almost invisibly, out there in that wild territory, we sometimes spot each other. Yesterday I was outside, on my way back from the record store, and saw a man wearing neatly pressed white slacks, a white button down shirt, and a thick gold chain around the collar of his shirt. He had a mustache and his hair done in a seventies style. He was alone. That was a guy who was being cool on his Own Terms, and looking The Way He Wants To Look, with no regard for current fashion or what other people think. I said to myself, "That cat knows what time it is." And then I continued on home.

Hepcat Hermit Hero Profile: Rick Deckard

Oh, he is definitely a Hepcat Hermit, and a hero to us all. He's so misanthropic that not only does he not like humans, he doesn't even like people who just resemble humans.

This cat digs electronics. He's in his groovy pad playing with his photo look-arounder-in thing on a regular basis.

In some ways he has a Hepcat Hermit fantasy job, as most of us have fantasized at one time or another of having a job where he we get to chase people and shoot at them. Very few of us actually have a job like that, though some do (see Fox Mulder). But that's actually only a small part of his job. Most of his job is sitting in front of a machine and asking people weird questions, similar to the clerical type of jobs many of us have.

The fact that he is shown getting his meals out puts him on the fence, since Hepcat Hermits usually like to eat at home, often even eschewing the use of plates in favour of just eating something over the sink. However, the fact that he gets the food at an outdoor kiosk, does not look up as he eats, and hates to be disturbed puts him solidly back on our side. The fact that he pretends to not understand a language just in order to not have to talk to someone is what makes him a true idol to the Hepcat Hermits.

He has an active fantasy life, as do we all. He sees unicorns. Sure, why not?

He drives an old beater while other people whip around in flying cars. Most Hepcat Hermits, if they have a vehicle, have old beaters. Very few have an expensive new car, as that would obviously cut into the comic buying budget. Almost all of us like vintage cars in some capacity.

He is usually neat and groomed. He is shown washing up. He looks good and is well put together. He falls asleep on his couch. All qualities and activities valued and enjoyed by the discerning Hepcat Hermit.

He likes music. He is of the Hepcat Hermit subset who play their own music (see Squidward) rather than listen to records. He also has a favourite blanket he covers himself with as he wanders around his groovy pad. Most Hepcat Hermits have some way of being cozy while enjoying the great indoors. For some it's a sweater, a hoody, or a blanket. Some of us might have ordered a Snuggie, but in general Hepcat Hermits don't order Snuggies, even if they do enjoy the commercial.

He hates to have people over at his groovy pad. And when he does, it's a sexy sultry person who is not actually a person at all, but rather a manufactured perfect woman. All Hepcat Hermits would open their habitually locked doors to any type of sexy woman who was agreeable company and who shared some of their individual interests, in this case piano playing and not getting killed.

But what really puts Rick Deckard over the top, and makes him one of our greatest heroes, is that he lives in the future. That's where we all live, in our minds, because we are visionaries. Our minds are not confined to one era. But this cat actually, literally, lives in the future. He's a true Hepcat Hermit Hero with full honours from the Dementia Squad.