So you've decided you hate fun. You've decided you aren't going to read silly comics with rampaging giant robots, talking gorillas, or people able to lift more than a hundred tons. So what's left?The non-magical world of Realistic comics. Yes, there are comics out there which are highly Realistic for a great many reasons. Many of them, in fact most of them, also qualify as Grim and Gritty. If you read nothing but Grim and Gritty comics, you will be one of the cool comic fans and can rest in the satisfaction of how mature, worldly, cynical and sophisticated you are.
Here is a list of things to look for:
-No talking gorillas.
-People eating in a restaurant.
-People sitting in a board room
-Use of guns
-Lots of swearing
-Characters have attitude
-Characters are "badasses"
-Characters speak in witty word play, just like people do in real life
-Dialogue is "hip and edgy"
-People wear dark clothes
-The cover is people posing
-The Mafia is involved in the plot
-street gangs are involved in the plot
-the plot involves horrible elements such as war, rape, crack addiction and human trafficking. It is important to read comics covering these subjects, so that you are exposed to the real world. Never mind that if your life actually involved these elements, it's highly unlikely you'd want to read a comic about it.
-It's raining almost constantly
-No one is ever in a good mood
-It's usually night
-the heroes, or should I say anti-heroes, have perfect hair and are fit
-most of the people in it are martial arts experts
-characters are well trained enough to walk into a room and kill everyone within a few seconds, even if the other people are also well trained. They weren't well trained enough.
-Villains, or antagonists, are fat and bald. There can be one charismatic villain who is fit and has perfect hair. He of course will make a plan which conflicts with the plans of the fatter, balder villains. This will lead to a Mexican standoff - everyone pointing guns at each other - as so many situations in our daily lives often end up.
If you absolutely must read comics which involve superpowers, here are the things to look for:
-Dark, inscrutible costumes. A skull motif is good. If Superman existed, people would laugh at his colourful costume. No matter how many times he put his fist through brick walls, no one would ever take him seriously.
-"Cool" powers, ie nothing improbable such as being able to inflate your body and bounce around, instead it should be something probable involving claws that rip out of your skin every time you use them and are part of what would be a one thousand pound skeleton.
-If a character has super strength, they are unable to lift more than 100 tons. The idea of lifting more than that is ridiculous, but for ninety tons or so, it's full steam ahead.
-Still have people eating in restaurants, sitting in board rooms, etc
-Characters should often look like they're wearing coloured contacts when they use their powers.
-Again, people should be posing on the cover. People pose constantly in real life, so a comic should reflect that if it wants to be realistic.
-Lots of shadows.
-Rain, rain, rain.
-People wear trench coats over their costumes. Probably because of all the rain.
-No one is ever in a good mood, they all have attitudes and are badasses.
-Someone who has never killed before decides to kill; or at least-
-Someone who was once thought of as a good person does something evil.
-Historical events are referenced.
-Teammates never get along.
-No smiling, ever!
-Stubble is good.
Never say you have fun reading these comics. You don't read them as an escape from your daily life like those foolish people who read silly comics about events that could never happen in Real Life.
Badass!
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