The Dementia Squad Recognizes: William Finn

For putting together this wonderful video depicting much of the Hepcat Hermit lifestyle. We see records, we see vintage toys, we see a groovy rug, we see someone wearing boss threads and dancing at home to a Hepcat Hermit anthem. William isolates himself cleverly, remaining a hermit to even the viewer.

This looks a lot like every Hepcat Hermit's Friday night.

Hepcat Hermit Hero Profile: Rick Deckard

Oh, he is definitely a Hepcat Hermit, and a hero to us all. He's so misanthropic that not only does he not like humans, he doesn't even like people who just resemble humans.

This cat digs electronics. He's in his groovy pad playing with his photo look-arounder-in thing on a regular basis.

In some ways he has a Hepcat Hermit fantasy job, as most of us have fantasized at one time or another of having a job where he we get to chase people and shoot at them. Very few of us actually have a job like that, though some do (see Fox Mulder). But that's actually only a small part of his job. Most of his job is sitting in front of a machine and asking people weird questions, similar to the clerical type of jobs many of us have.

The fact that he is shown getting his meals out puts him on the fence, since Hepcat Hermits usually like to eat at home, often even eschewing the use of plates in favour of just eating something over the sink. However, the fact that he gets the food at an outdoor kiosk, does not look up as he eats, and hates to be disturbed puts him solidly back on our side. The fact that he pretends to not understand a language just in order to not have to talk to someone is what makes him a true idol to the Hepcat Hermits.

He has an active fantasy life, as do we all. He sees unicorns. Sure, why not?

He drives an old beater while other people whip around in flying cars. Most Hepcat Hermits, if they have a vehicle, have old beaters. Very few have an expensive new car, as that would obviously cut into the comic buying budget. Almost all of us like vintage cars in some capacity.

He is usually neat and groomed. He is shown washing up. He looks good and is well put together. He falls asleep on his couch. All qualities and activities valued and enjoyed by the discerning Hepcat Hermit.

He likes music. He is of the Hepcat Hermit subset who play their own music (see Squidward) rather than listen to records. He also has a favourite blanket he covers himself with as he wanders around his groovy pad. Most Hepcat Hermits have some way of being cozy while enjoying the great indoors. For some it's a sweater, a hoody, or a blanket. Some of us might have ordered a Snuggie, but in general Hepcat Hermits don't order Snuggies, even if they do enjoy the commercial.

He hates to have people over at his groovy pad. And when he does, it's a sexy sultry person who is not actually a person at all, but rather a manufactured perfect woman. All Hepcat Hermits would open their habitually locked doors to any type of sexy woman who was agreeable company and who shared some of their individual interests, in this case piano playing and not getting killed.

But what really puts Rick Deckard over the top, and makes him one of our greatest heroes, is that he lives in the future. That's where we all live, in our minds, because we are visionaries. Our minds are not confined to one era. But this cat actually, literally, lives in the future. He's a true Hepcat Hermit Hero with full honours from the Dementia Squad.

Hepcat Hermits Hate the Satisfaction of a Job Well Done

It's got nothing on the satisfaction of sleeping in.

Hepcat Hermits Misanthropia Department: Eschewed Personality Types

Petty One-uppers

You know those people?

They're the people who would have said to Andy Warhol: "15 minutes of fame? More like 14!"

They of course hate the people who'd chime in with "Don't you mean 13?"

And so on.

MR. T

Mr. T is beloved of hepcat hermits. I have a Mr. T t-shirt.

We like him because he promotes a non mundane view of the world.

He shows you can be kooky and make it work for you.

What if we lived in a world where Mr. T represented the norm? That would be weird. Except it wouldn't be. It would be normal.

That's what would be weird about it.

Dementia Squad Conspiracy Theories: Guinea Pigs

I have sworn revenge on all Guinea Pigs. But I haven't gotten around to it yet.

They're all in it with the gerbils. Think they're cute? That's what they want you to think.

OPEN YOUR EYES PEOPLE!



<--- (pure evil)

They Said To Get Out More.

I got out.

Now what?

O_O

O_O

O_O

...God, I love my apartment.





(not actually my apartment)

Hepcat Hermits Don't Care if Their Favourite Celebrities Do Commercials

Interesting thing about celebrities doing commercials.

IT DOESN'T MATTER.

What actually happens to celebrities who do a commercial is that afterward they get on with their lives, their careers, their art. They do not then go on to sing, act, or joke about the product forever and ever. They have not sold their soul, just part of their time. They have a contract and they fulfill it like anyone who has a job.

Furthermore, a Hepcat Hermit often finds entertainment value and artistic merit in the commercials themselves. The above ad is a perfect example.

Many people who consider themselves intellectuals or idealistic like to talk about how these celebrities have sold out. They talk and talk. They seldom produce anything as beautiful as this song.

Hepcat Hermits Love Stars Wars Because it's B

It's funny, when Attack of the Clones came out, I remember people saying how that sounded like a b-movie title. It just seemed strange, when we're talking about a series that revolves around something called the Death Star. I just can't think of anything that sounds more "b" than Death Star. They grow up with Death Star and it sounds the same to them as say Rosebud in Citizen Kane. Not b at all.

Interestingly, when The Empire Strikes Back was about to come out, the title received the same disdain. Yes it did. But the realism boys, the people who like "grim and gritty", they love Empire. Even though its title is as corny as it gets. Gloriously, gorgeously, goodygoodygumdropsily so!

And we're talking about a franchise that is called Star Wars. Yes, Star Wars.

Star.

Wars.

IMPULSE RECORD SHOPPING: ANITA HARRIS

One of the best things about buying records nowadays is often they are cheap, so a cat can dig crazy sounds at a low low price. And sometimes if the record looks interesting I just pick it up like it ain't no thing, even if I've never heard anything about it before. Such was the case when I bought Anita Harris' Somebody's In My Orchard. It was strictly wowsville. It has a very odd cover. It shows an attractive woman, being Harris, holding a handgun. This seemed very strange since it came from the peace and love era. Later I found the cover with the odd album covers on Facebook. I couldn't even believe it. That blew my mind.

It's not an easy album to like. It's off the beaten track. Hepcat Hermits often like things that are off the beaten track, as such things are much more mind expanding than, say, drugs. However, we rarely like something just because it's off the beaten track. We like things because they're good. We also like things for the best darn reason in the world. We like them because we like them.

I listened to the record and my life was changed. Well, actually my life stayed the same, just like I wanted it to, but I loved the album a lot. She's a heckuva singer from England. She also apparently acted in some movies, including one of the Carry On movies of the sixties. Here she is doing judo and performing back in 1966 which is the year it always is in my mind. It was a year before the summer of love, which sucked. It sucked so much, that it didn't even not suck. That's pretty darn sucky. The summer of love was when they started to come up with the idea that if you want to be a "real" person you have to go to outdoor festivals or else you're a sellout or fake. That's, dare I say it, wrongo bongo.

Hepcat Hermits may dig the summer of love in retrospect, but would very likely not attend an outdoor festival. If they did it would be only by themselves or in the company of a groovy chick with Hepcat Hermit sympathies.

Diggggggg:

Hepcat Hermit Movie Reviews: The Watchmen

It is a movie with a lot of weird stuff in it. It's about a man with a cigar who gets thrown out a window. He lands and a guy with a weird mask on finds a button with a smiley face and blood. The guy with the weird mask is the kid from the Bad News Bears. And he likes to beat people up if they are bad people. He's quite adamant about it. His name is Roschach.

Rorschach is also the name of tests given to mental patients.

Many comic fans like Rorschach. That is because he is a badass character. Many fans like badass characters. They like characters who speak tersely in grating voices. They find these characters realistic. That is because life is full of men who wear strange masks and fedoras and trenchoats and beat up rooms full of people.

Rorschach is depicted as having an archenemy who is a midget, and who is also a known associate of noted Hepcat Hermit Cosmo Kramer. That part was kinda boss.

Hepcat Hermits might not like The Watchmen. As a comic movie that takes itself very seriously, it sort of goes against the Dementia Squad credo. On the other hand, it does have a lot of weird stuff in it. And other serious comic movies, such as Batman Begins, are favoured by today's discerning Hepcat Hermit.

It does have many of the qualities and attributes we look for in a film. There are costumes, superpowers, a super vehicle that is one of the cutest looking I have ever seen, the already mentioned midget, several groovy chicks, a villain's secret base, a hero's secret headquarters, gadgets and more.

On the other hand there is some unpleasant stuff that is not a lot of fun.

So watch The Watchmen at your own discretion; be advised that is has no talking gorillas in it, but you might enjoy it anyway.

LET'S CRUISE THROUGH THE KELPBURGER STAND NOW!!!

Aquaman is one of the heroes featured in the comics I bought at Roger's Time Machine and he is absolutely one of the coolest characters ever created. He's strictly hipsville, kats!!! Some consider it cool to make fun of him but these behaviours are bad and wrong. Some say he is ineffectual and useless which is strange, because he can breathe underwater and has great strength which is more than the people who say he's useless can do, meaning they are less than useless!!! It's strange they would say that about themselves!!!

FIVE DC SUPERHEROES = 5 X THE FUN!!!

Five of the greatest characters ever created. All in one comic for a dollar. Sign me up.
I bought this issue at Roger's Time Machine in New York and have never looked back. Roger's is by far absolutely one of the best comics stores. It's a great place to get comics from the Silver Age and very few from the grim and gritty age, which is a plus, as grim and gritty comics are MEGA LAME.

BOBBY SHERMAN!!!

Wonder Girl likes Bobby Sherman. He smiles a lot and is not obsessed with looking cool. He is not like grim and gritty people that need to be frowning at all times for fear someone catches them not looking cool and reports them to the coolness police. This is a great song about breakups and visiting a dark part of your soul and coming back from it. He was on a show called Shindig! with Donna Loren and they made awesome music.




People who don't like Bobby Sherman are wrong. In fact I would go so far as to say they are WRONGO BONGO. Go listen to indie rock and your sensitive boys with their silly guitars going "Ooooo I feel so sad because I lost my favourite sandals when I was at that indie rock festival being so coooooool" And then have a samosa and some tea and talk about how "real" your boring music is. Except that your music is actually just real boring.

Wow, I'm going off today. I even said wrongo bongo.

Hepcat Hermits Dig Cartoons

WOW. Batman: Brave and the Bold is BY FAR one of the best shows that was ever in the UNIVERSE.

Hepcat Hermit Movie Review: Death Machines

I rented a movie called Death Machines. It was made sometime in the seventies. I don't know who directed it. What am I, IMDB?

Anyway, it's kickass. It has lots of crazy stuff in it. It's about a man with a mustache who yells at people on the phone. I couldn't even believe it.

I like these kinds of movies the best almost. Because they have lots of weird things in them. They are much more interesting than normal movies. Normal movies suck a lot. Mostly the new ones. Because weird stuff doesn't happen in them.

A lot of people don't have time to watch entire movies full of kooky stuff, in which case watching the trailer is an excellent option, as it boils the movie down to its best parts. I recommend it. You can hear the amazing synth soundtrack in it.

Hepcat Hermits Dig Don't Look Now

Don't Look Now has many elements prized by those of us working for the Dementia Squad. It has murder. It has weird camera angles. It has creepy psychic phenomena. And it has a creepy dwarf. Any movie with a creepy dwarf or any kind of midget in it certainly rates very high on the Hepcat Hermit scale. If Citizen Kane had had more midgets in it, it could have actually been something.

Hepcat Hermits dig scary movies. That's because scary movies take us out of the mundane world - which we know to only be a convenient illusion anyway. The art forms and the entertainment that we enjoy tap us into what's really going on in the universe.

Donald Sutherland is sporting his Kurt Vonnegut lookalike look as seen in Invasion of the Body Snatchers (which is by faaaarrrrr the best remake of a movie ever). That's cool, as Hepcat Hermits definitely dig Kurt Vonnegut. Especially Slaughter-house Five.

Hepcat Hermits Love Wonder Woman; or, The Dementia Squad Proudly Presents the Awesomeness That is Lynda Carter

Lynda Carter has a new CD out. She was Wonder Woman in the seventies. I love love love her. The Wonder Woman show was one of the best things that ever happened in the universe.

Lyle Waggoner was also very good on it. He tried out for Batman before Adam West got it. He still got to play a pivotal DC role, which is as Col. Steve Trevor on the Wonder Woman show.

The show was just exciting and had a lot of action. It was not realistic or grim and gritty, which are all bad words.

G.I. REALISM

G.I. Joe movie coming out. Strictly yawnsville for me.

None of the characters have superpowers. That makes the fans feel like they're seeing something real. But the people making it found a way to make it even more realistic, which is by having everybody wearing black, not just Snake-Eyes, the one everybody likes because he's so realistic. He's really realistic because he doesn't have any superpowers. Therefore, every fan of G.I. Joe lives a life exactly like Snake Eyes.

The makers of the movie put everyone in black because likers of grim and gritty comics and movies believe whatever they see as long as people are wearing black.

The Baroness has glasses and she wears a tight black leather outfit just like evil women in real life do. Grim and gritty fans are glad she can't fly because people can't fly. It's unrealistic.

If people's lives really had shooting in them, I doubt they would want to read their precious REALISTIC comics and watch their grim and gritty movies.

If only people who like bullshit realism followed the example of Snake Eyes and never talked. Movie theaters would be damn silent. There wouldn't be the reality experts making those little noises they make whenever something in a movie doesn't pass their reality gauge.

It would be nice.

CREEPY DAYS ARE HERE AGAIN

Hi boys and ghouls! Dark Horse has a new Creepy comics out and it is soooooo coooooollllll!!! It's not even lame, it's so awesome!!!! It has all kinds of kickasss art in it, and scary stufff, and I just love it I think it is so amazingGGGGG!!!!

I love horror!!! It has original stories with great artists in glorificious black and white, and then it's got a backup classic from the olden days of yore with art by Alex Toth, who was one of the greatest artists who ever did comics!!!! He could draw pictures that looked like they went on forever!!! His style was a bit sketchy which was wonderfully deceptive, and the only people who wouldn't like it would be morons who think good comics art needs a whole bunches of lines and people with huge muscles standing there looking all like, hey look at me I'm so badasssss that you can't even believe it, when really they're just so stupid it hurts my head to think about. So I won't, I'll just enjoy the greatness that is Toth!!!! His figures really had motion to them. His lettering was the serious grooviness, no joke, cats.

People who don't like Creepy are WRONGO BONGO!!!

Ah, just kidding. What you like is your own business.

Hepcat Hermits Dig Fishnets, Sophia Loren, Anita Ekberg, and Italian Movies

For this weekend I rented a movie with Sophia Loren called Boccaccio '70. I am looking forward to it. She is a classic beauty. Also she wears fishnets. Fishnets are very very good. They make my eyes look like this O_o !!!!

I like Italian movies a lot. Anyone who doesn't is an absolute moron. It's like jeez. Get a life. Seriously. I'm not even kidding.

Nah, I'm kidding. What you like is your own business. Not anybody else's.

I love movies directed by Mario Bava. He directed a whole bunch of really really weird movies. They were so weird that they weren't even normal. I couldn't believe it. Holy crap.

Anita Ekberg is also in the movie. She was in another movie called La Dolce Vita directed by Fellini. You have to see it. It's amazing. It coined the expression paparazzi.

Lots and lots of people have the poster for La Dolce Vita. It is a really cool poster. It shows a guy smoking and a chick standing there. That's Anita Ekberg. She's also in a movie, very briefly, called Artists and Models starring Jerry Lewis and Dean Martin, that is about comics. It also has Shirley MacLaine.

Mission Statement: The Coming of the Hepcat Hermits

Hepcat Hermits are a whole thing. They are everywhere, yet invisible. They are here already. You probably see them every day. And you just might be one yourself.

These are the people who eschew the company of most others. This is because they bear the secret knowledge that they are the actual coolest people in the universe. They work for the Dementia Squad, the agency which sees past the tawdriness of everyday mundane reality and gives it gold card members a look at the way it really is.

It sends it messages in the books we read, the movies we watch, the comics we enjoy. Most of these messages were hidden long ago, so we appear to be retro and obsessed with the past as we dig into those old comics and those old records; the classic cinema. Really, it is just that they remind us that what we see around us is only temporary, because these are reminders of what has been replaced.

We aren't interested in about 90% of what the culture produces, but we love that other 10%.

We treat others respectfully and only ask to be treated the same in as few dealings as possible. Hepcats Hermits value politeness. They are groomed and wearing clean clothes, and our collections of comics, records and books are quite well organized. Our pads are usually neat and groovily decorated. We like them that way because we spend a lot of time there.

Hepcat Hermits are not creeps or slobs. Creeps and slobs are completely separate and as repugnant to the Hepcat Hermit as they are to the rest of society. Maybe even more so, because they give other loners a bad name. Especially the creeps.

Some genuine Hepcat Hermits do not keep their places completely tidy, but not unhygienically so, and they still know where to find everything. Most Hepcat Hermits, if not all, maintain a fairly high standard of hygiene. Some maybe too much. We all smell good, even if we are not always close enough to other people for it to make a difference. We do it for ourselves.

Not every Hepcat Hermit is single. Some have united with a Hepcat Hermitess to form a groovy, cozy subculture of two.

Some are married to someone who is not as in the know, but they get some alone time and they do their thing. These are the Hepcat Hermits in deep undercover, and are just as much a part of the scene.

Hepcat Hermits do not have anything against society. On the contrary, we know we are in it and that it is good to us. It provides the job which provides the money which provides the pad, the electronics, the records, the used books, the comics, the precooked chicken from the grocery store. We do not wish to change anything. We want it all to go on as it does so we can go on living our secret, quiet -yet epic - lives working for the Dementia Squad*.

This blog is not to unite us. We do not unite as we are not joiners. We are Hepcat Hermits.

This blog is about us and the things we love. And the things we loathe and eschew.

*(disclaimer: The "Dementia Squad" is a completely fictional construct meant to express an idea. There is no such actual group or organization. It is purely an invention for the sake of fun)**

**(disclaimers fall in line with Hepcat Hermit ethos as many of us are paranoid and sure the government or perhaps some unknown "ubergovernment" is watching and misinterpreting our actions)