The Abyss Was a TOTAL RIPOFF Of This Ad

Note: Whenever I say something was a total ripoff, I'm joking. The real purpose of this entry is to make fun of what a knee jerk reaction declaring something a ripoff is. It's gotten way out of hand thanks to illiterates having access to the internet.

Meanwhile, Over At The Headquarters of the Dementia Squad...

Read This Blog Regularly, If You Want Results Like These!!!

BEFORE READING HEPCAT HERMITS:















AFTER:























"I DUNNO, IT SELLS ITSELF!!!"

Happy Birthday HG Wells!!!

THANKS FOR COMING UP WITH ALL KINDS OF COOL STUFF!!!

It's Gear, It Is

After the Marvel mayhem of last week, it's time for a return to solemnity with DC Showcase # 69, which offers us a sobering look at the many ways in which vacuous people attempt to fill their shallow lives, not realizing that their shallow lives can never be filled because of how deep the despair is inside all that shallowness. How that's possible, I have no idea. Maybe it involves some kind of emotional space warp or existential pocket universe.

The Maniaks are a group of young minstrels who may appear on the surface to be having lighthearted fun, but are in the fact each of them walking desperate cries for help.

First, we open with one of the members, Flip, standing on the ledge of a building. As police try to dissuade him from jumping, he is so distraught that he is unable to admit that it is a suicide threat, and makes the claim that he is merely taking a walk on the ledge. This sort of transference is common among people desperate for any kind of relief from despair. They want the other people to notice their pain, not to have to point it out themselves.

We then meet other members of the band, such as Jangles. He is so empty and devoid of a sense of identity that he has become expert at doing impressions, to such a degree he can even alter his head to look like a dog's head or a giant firecracker. He wants to be anything besides himself. Pack Rat, the drummer, may be emotionally the most healthy of the band, as he has learned to let out his frustrations when he "pounds skins".

Silver Shannon is the band's lead singer, and possibly the most troubled, singing a song in which she blankly repeats "I'm going down the road feeling bad cause I got me a pebble in my shoe", lyrics that would make Nico seem perky by comparison. Most of the plot of this issue involves her attempts to fill the yawning chasm in her soul with worldly possessions, even convincing herself to marry a man for his wealth. We are shown his many possessions, none of which can satisfy Silver, so deep is the yawning chasm of unhappiness within her shallow soul, and so shallow are her values that make her deeply unhappy. As she says, "What good is happiness? It can't buy money!"

A dark, disturbing look at the disenfranchised youth of the late sixties and their increasing disassociation and disaffection. All the vices brought on by existential pain are explored here, including womanizing, gambling, and using slang. Highly recommended for its sharp observations about twentieth century alienation, but afterward you might want to perk yourself up with a nice lighthearted Ingmar Bergman movie.

Stuff White & Nerdy People Hate:

CREATORS NOT OWNING THE RIGHTS TO THEIR OWN CREATION AND CREATORS OWNING THE RIGHTS TO THEIR OWN CREATION.


"Ooh, I just hate how Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster were SCREWED out of the rights to Superman so the company could then allow other creators to work on Jerry and Joe's creation, and give them very little money for it. Only the original creator should work on his own creation...The only thing that burns me up more is how George Lucas GREEDILY holds onto the rights of Star Wars, his own creation, and will not allow other creators to work on it, except with his own approval, and makes huge profits from it. Oooh!"

What The...?!

This has unofficially evolved into Marvel week at HH, so we now close it out with some praise of the new comic Strange Tales, sort of a Marvel version of DC's Bizarro World, in which indie authors and artists get to have some fun at the expense of company characters.

From the opening shot, in which the Watcher is peeping on She-Hulk in the shower, we know it's going to be good. There's a lot of variety, but no surprise my two favourites were Paul Pope's Inhumans story and Peter Bagge's Hulk story, the latter of which is actually continuing through the three issues of Strange Tales.

Pope's Inhumans story involves the team dog Lockjaw, who is able to teleport but does not possess opposable thumbs, thus making it difficult for him to open a can of gourmet dog food that Medusa and the rest of the gang bought for him. Every time they are about to open it for him, they are called away to fight another menace, including Psycho-Man - who refers to himself as "He who is called Psycho-Man." Ah, I love that stuff. I've always wanted to refer to myself that way, and often do in my head. Lockjaw eventually finds a novel way to open the can. Pope did the cover of this ish as well, which includes some of the most visually arresting Marvel characters, such as Dr. Strange's squeeze Clea, who has possibly the funkiest hairdo in all comic-dom, and Beta Ray Bill, who is somehow an alien, a horse, and another Thor all in one.

Bagge's Hulk story has a wonderful premise. As Bruce Banner, he meets a female scientific colleague who is dignified and intelligent. As Hulk, he meets a biker chick who is skanky and trashy. Misunderstandings are sure to ensue, and I'm looking forward to future installments.

Meanwhile, Over At the Lair of the Super-Villains...

Look At Mr. Lee: Still The Man

Who'da thunk it? Stan Lee still writes a regular Spider-man comic strip. Not only that, but it's good and fun, the best Spidey stuff I've read in years, and it is being published in current issues of Comic Shop News. It's illustrated by Stan's younger brother,
Larry Lieber (Stan's real name is Stanley Martin Lieber). Lieber the Younger draws in a smooth style in that middle area between cartoony and realistic like past masters such as Kurt Schaffenberger and Ramona Fradon (and more currently, Amanda Conner). Another thing that is noteworthy about the current strips is they involve a Peter Parker married to Mary Jane, a situation that I've never before seen work as well. The current storyline involves some hijinks as Peter and Mary Jane try to keep Wolverine from finding out his identity. There is a technical flaw in this whole idea, as Wolverine possesses a sniffer that should immediately recognize that Peter and Spidey are one and the same (if memory serves that's how Wolvie discovered the identity in comic book continuity - "Scents don't lie - that kid's Spider-man!"), but that aside (and it's always possible Logan already knows and is just having some fun at Spidey's expense), it's fun to read Lee's version of Wolverine, especially when he refers to Mary Jane as a desperate housewife, haha! On a sentimental note, I also like that Lieber draws Peter with wavey hair a la John Romita, Sr.'s version from the seventies. It's more realisitic, since anyone's hair would get wavey from being in a sweaty mask for hours on end! But seriously, it just looks more like how I picture Peter Parker (picked a peck of etc.). Obviously because I grew up (in a manner of speaking) with the John Senior version, for me I recognize the guy when he's got a couple forehead curls pointing at each other (I may or may not have, at about age twelve, tried to force my hair to do that in emulation of Peter, you'll never get me to confess).

So I recommend the strips, they're fun and funny in a Silver Age way and best of all free at most comic stores with the purchase of something else, they run six to an issue of CSN, in full colour -it's a heck of a bargain.


Hmmm, he can call her "Honey" in public but not lift his mask to half mast? Sooo unrealistic!

Hepcat Hermit Conspiracy Theories

Donny & Marie are clearly time travellers, as this stunning new(ish) photograph proves. Or perhaps sorcerers. Or from space. Or all three.

In my mind I always associated them with the Wonder Twins. Which obviously makes Jimmy Gleek.

Hmm, time travel, Jimmy/Gleek/Jimmy the Greek...?

It's all beginning to add up. To what I have no idea.

If It Feels Good, Do It

So...

Who wants to be the first to tell Darkseid he doesn't really have the legs for a mini-skirt?

Perhaps the Greatest "Han-face" of All Time

Hal Jordan

I don't know, I just kind of always assumed Green Lantern's power ring automatically kept his hair from getting messed up. Apparently not?

Maybe it's using too much energy keeping Super Grover chained up there.

Hepcat Hermit Movie Reviews: Wild Women of Wongo

Do ya like scantily clad cavegirls with fifties hairdos?

Do ya like catfights?

Do ya like parrots making kooky asides?

Do ya dig crazy ceremonial dances?

Do ya like cavemen wearing inexplicable white wigs?

Do ya like caveman-talk represented by awesomely stilted English?

Do ya dig all these things? Well do ya?

Do ya? Do ya???

Just wondering.

Doubly Cast: Annette O'Toole

And now part 2 of our ongoing series, part one is here.

Today we honour Mrs. Lenny, for having portrayed two of the most pivotal roles in all Superman-dom. First she was Lana Lang in the cult classic Superman III, a role she was enthusiastic about because she always favoured the underdog girls in any of comics' great love triangles. Lana is perhaps the Betty of the Lois-Lana-Superman triangle, though Lana's personality has historically been elastic. In the seventies she was out-Loising Lois as a conniver. But Annette's portrayal was pure sweetie-pie.

By itself this would have been enough to cement her as an icon of Superman fandom, but then she went on to be Ma Kent to Bo Hazard's Pa Kent in Smallville. Producers of the show, when considering her for the part, were amazed by her knowledge of Kryptonian lore. Annette is a super fangirl from way back.

"The Perfect Man!": Creation of the Humanoids

Wow, this no-budget 1962 film is stunning. It looks like a b-film, and it is, but the concepts involved are quite interesting and challenging. Watching it reminds me a lot of what I always pictured when reading classic "hard" SF. People in futuristic rooms sort of standing there, uttering perfectly formed speeches about interesting ideas. Just one of the things going on in the film is that, in the future world where androids are commonplace, a woman has elected to live in "rapport" with one of them, a sort of marriage. Kinky!

Someone on IMDB wrote this movie is "Better than Star Wars!" I wouldn't go that far. It's always handy to invoke the name of Star Wars to get some attention. They are two quite different movies. This movie could certainly be seen as the missing link between Metropolis and Blade Runner. Reputedly COTH was Andy Warhol's favourite movie.



"The Perfect Man!"

Haney-tastic Classic

Eclipso's first words in this tale, right on the splash page, are "Ha! Ha! Ha! Flee, you puny fools!" That's how you know it's gonna be good.

Bob Haney is one of the most fun comic writer of all time, and this tale, from House of Secrets #81, supports that theory in spades.

Dr. Bruce Gordon, Eclipso's good half, completes "Operation Big Boy", going with the theory that if you can't beat 'em, create a giant version of 'em to beat 'em for you. He does just that, but the plan backfires, natch, when Eclipso is able to turn his "Maxi-Me" to evil, because good is dumb. Now Eclipso is able to strike fear, as well as possibly some amusement, though fearful amusement, with the sight of himself riding on the shoulder of his giant double.

Eclipso's a simple guy, and has always believed four giants are better than one, so he uses his moonstone gem to release three prehistoric giants that were caught in stone...or something. Rampages ensue and a good time is had by all.

With art by Jack Sparling.

If The Aliens Are Watching Our TV Drama Shows...

They're likely to think humans are all either cops, hospital workers, serial killers, or drug dealers.

Which one of those are YOU?

0_0

Ursula Davis

Now, I'm not one of those people who constantly call attention to all the little known facts. Partly because it's alternately annoying or pathetic when people do that and try to make everyone else feel inferior, but mostly because when people do this they are really only calling attention to the fact that they know a lot of things that most people can get through life perfectly fine without knowing. Or to put it more simply, people who know all the trivia are probably trivial. However, I do like to do what I can to bring some recognition to people or things that in some way have made my life as a patron of esoterica more enjoyable.

This is Ursula Davis, whose mug has popped up in several films I have enjoyed in the past few months. She generally appears in Italian made movies of the sixties. The three I have seen her in so far have been Kong Island, Crypt of the Vampire and An Angel For Satan. Her list of film credits is fairly short, but then so is Tura Satana's. Quality, not quantity. She seems to always play the nice girl who is contrasted with a femme fatale. Here she is in what may be her greatest film, Kong Island, appearing at about 1:20. Kong Island weaves together a plot involving a mad scientist, mercenaries, gorillas who are radio controlled, a jungle girl, big sixties hairdos, dancing, a muscle man with glittering teeth, and of course Ursula. Unfortunately there are no midgets, but it's still a masterpiece in the Dementia Squad canon.

Hepcat Hermit Movie Reviews: Journey to the Far Side of the Sun

"Stunning Visuals!"

"Engaging in Concept and Design!"

"Groovy Future Technology!"

"More of a Human Story Than Might Be Expected!"

"Like A Longer Episode of Twilight Zone, In Technicolor With a Larger Budget!"

"Well-drawn characters!"

"Excellent Cast!"

"Cool Outfits and Neat Hairdos!"

Hepcat Hermit Heroes: Squidward Tentacles

Of all the Hepcat Hermits and all the Groovy Pads in the world, his pad may be the grooviest. Certainly its outside appearance, similar to an Easter Island statue, is tres tres groovy.

Our man eschews the company of annoying nosy, noisy people (or sponges) in favour of getting home and playing some boss tunes on his clarinet. We can dig it.

It is implied that Squidward at one point had a girlfriend when in one episode he remembers good times he had at Make-out Reef. Many HH-er's remember a lost love.

Mr. Tentacles keeps his pad clean and tidy. He takes pride in it. He enjoys artistic pursuits. Though not meeting much success in the art world, he still keeps at it, enjoying it for its own sake. He is a capable employee at a job where his brilliance goes unrecognized, but whose necessity he nonetheless recognizes, as it pays for the Groovy Pad. Squidward Tentacles, your heroism lives on to those of us in the Dementia Squad.

Stuff White & Nerdy People Hate: Anatomy of Comic Movie Criticism

Here are the steps to becoming an effective comic movie critic:

-Read many or all the comics the movie will be based on. If you read them all when you were twelve, that's even better. Retain your idealized memory of them.
-If you read them recently, mentally boil all the comics down to what you consider their best moments.
-As you are doing this, dispel from your mind any memory of those moments in the comic you felt were silly, ie, villains of the month who weren't Badass!
-Now, expect the movie will basically comprise exact duplications of those "best" moments.
-Do not for a second consider the possibility comics engage the imagination in a way in which movies do not.
-Expect a two or three hour movie to effectively convey at least a 12 issue arc. Preferably, 100 issues.
-No matter how many lines of dialogue were in the comics that some might consider silly, expect every line in the movie to be Ibsen. Remember, you've blocked out all that silliness.
-Expect the movie to be an exact recreation of what you imagined. Otherwise, it's total crap.
-There is no room for the filmmaker's own creativity. You are paying to see something that is exactly how you imagined it. It makes complete sense why someone would want to pay to see something they already imagined.
-Make sure you know effective adjectives for later describing elements of the film. Right now, "Amazing' and "Horrible" are in vogue. So if is someone says a movie you disliked is "good" say it is "horrible". "Horrible" trumps any positive adjective when describing a comic movie, except "amazing". If you say a movie is "horrible" but the other person says it's "amazing" that is an adjective stalemate. You might then go on to say the movie is an "abortion", but it's not certain right now how effective that is. (It does at least show what a logical and analytical person you are that you compared a comic book movie to one of the most traumatic events that can possibly happen. Good job.)
-of course, "It sucks!" is another compelling argument.
-No matter how many issues of the comic showed the characters involved in whimsical situations, if the characters in the movie become involved in whimsical situations, it is required while watching that you bury your face in your hands and let out a loud groan for all to hear and be impressed by your sense of realism.